Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Chuck Michaels had a stroke/Report from the Socialist International Conspiracy



Chuck Michaels had a serious stroke today, and is in the intensive care unit at Good Samaritan Hospital in Baltimore.  For more information, and the opportunity to offer condolences, call his wife Jayme at 240-475-0041.


Kagiso, Max


There are 91 days until Jan. 20, 2009.


Report from the Socialist International Conspiracy


by Barbara Ehrenreich


Huffington Post - Posted October 21, 2008




Surely you have heard by now of the imminent socialist

takeover of America, and if you find the prospect

unlikely, ask yourself: How many socialists do you know

who lost millions in the recent stock market crashes?

Just as I thought -- none -- and that's not only

because you don't know any socialists. The truth is

that we, the Socialist International Conspiracy, not

only saw this coming, we are the ones who made it happen.


The plan took shape during a particularly intense

criticism/self-criticism session at our 2000 annual

convention in a booth at an Akron IHOP. We realized

that we'd been recruiting no more new members per year

than the Green Bay Packers and that, despite all our

efforts, more Americans have been taken aboard UFOs

than have embraced the historic promise of socialism.

So we decided to suspend our usual work of standing on

street corners and hissing, "Hey, how'd you like to

live in a workers' paradise?" Instead of building

socialism, one worker at a time, we would focus on

destroying capitalism, hedge fund by hedge fund.


First, we selected a cadre of crusty punks from the

streets of Seattle, stripped off their Che T-shirts,

suited them up in Armani's and wingtips, and introduced

them to the concepts of derivatives and dental floss.

Then we shipped them to Wall Street with firm

instructions: Make as much money as you can, as fast as

you can, and as soon as the money starts rolling in,

send it out to make more money by whatever dodgy means

you can find -- subprime loans, credit default swaps,

pyramid schemes -- anything goes. And oh yes: Spend

your own earnings in the most flamboyantly gross ways

you can think of -- $10,000 martinis, fountains of

champagne -- so as to fan the flames of class resentment.


These brave comrades did far better than we could have

imagined, quickly adapting to lives of excess and greed

punctuated only by squash games at the Century Club.

But we could not have inflicted such massive damage to

capitalism if we hadn't also planted skilled agents in

high places within the government and various quasi-

governmental agencies. When all this is over, Phil

Gramm, for example -- the former senator and McCain

economics advisor -- will be getting a Hero of

Socialism award for his courageous battle against

financial regulation. That's the only name I can name

at this moment, but I will tell you this: If you

happened to have been in a playground in the suburbs of

DC any time in the last few years, and noticed an

impeccably dressed elderly man poking around under

rocks, that was a certain Federal Reserve Chairman,

looking for his weekly orders from the central committee.


Things were going swimmingly until about a week ago,

when the capitalists suddenly staged a counter-coup. We

had thought that the nationalization of the banks would

bring capitalism to its knees, but instead, the

capitalists were craftily using it to privatize the

government. Goldman Sachs, former home of Henry

Paulson, has taken the lead, planting its agents so

thickly about the erstwhile public sector as to earn

the nickname "Government Sachs." Among the former

Goldman Sachs operatives now running the country, in

addition to Paulson, are the president's chief of

staff, the chairman of the New York Fed, the man

appointed to take over A.I.G., and the 35-year-old boy

wonder selected to oversee the bail-out program.


According to the New York Times, "Goldman supporters"

insist there is no "conspiracy" and not a black

helicopter in sight -- just a bunch of public-spirited

investment bankers sacrificing their normal 8-figure

salaries for the good of the nation. But we socialists

know a conspiracy when we see one, and some in our

ranks are complaining bitterly that as capitalism began

to collapse, the bankers seized the life raft that was

intended to save the laid-off, the foreclosed-upon, and

the exploited masses in general.


Ah well, we socialists still have the election to look

forward to. After months of studying the candidates'

economic plans, we have determined that one of them,

and only one, can be relied on to complete the

destruction of capitalism. With high hopes and great

confidence, the Socialist International Conspiracy

endorses John McCain!


[Barbara Ehrenreich is the author of thirteen books,

including the New York Times bestseller Nickel and

Dimed. A frequent contributor to the New York Times,

Harpers, and the Progressive, she is a contributing

writer to Time magazine. She lives in Florida.]


No comments: